A Better Beginning
by Todd's Pet
Summary: This is just a bit of fun - I wonder how Sga would have panned out if it had started out like this instead?


A Better Beginning

"I do not understand it," Hallin says to Teyla. "I had thought that these new and powerful humans would free us from wraith tyranny."

"I, too, am puzzled," Teyla agrees, "With their advanced technologies rivaling the wraiths' I would have expected them to have an easy victory over the wraith, but instead they are working with them."

"Perhaps it is a deception, a tactic to destroy the wraith?"

"I do not believe so," Teyla muses. "Although Major Sheppard assures me that it will be in our best interest also, in the long run."

"It most certainly will," Sheppard quips, swinging his leg over the bench and plonking himself down beside Teyla. She eyes his canteen food tray and feels a little queasy.

"How will that be so?" Hallin asks Sheppard.

"Because, my Athosian friend," Sheppard says, shoveling a spoonful of disgusting looking curry into his mouth, "We aim to convert all of them into non-feeding wraith." He looks at them as if the whole thing was entirely his own idea. Speaking around another mouthful of curry he adds, "And that means no more running and screaming every time a wraith turns up at the party!"

"What is a party?" Hallin asks.

oOo

Sheppard preens slightly as he greets the wraith queen-keeper at the star gate. "Welcome to Atlantis," he tells her. "My name's John Sheppard."

She looks him up and down in a way that makes his spine flutter. "Johnnn Shepparrddd," she repeats.

"And your name is…?" She simply continues to scrutinize him and he adds, "You do have names, don't you?"

"Of course we have names," she purrs, "but…"

"Ah, don't tell me!" Sheppard grins, "They're so exotic that we couldn't possibly pronounce them."

"No, you could pronounce them quite easily," she tells him. "They're just not…" she looks a little awkward, even embarrassed. Sheppard finds himself thinking it makes her look darned attractive. "Well, you see, they're not very scary so we prefer to keep them to ourselves… you understand…"

The wraith following behind them growls and Sheppard jumps.

"For example, his name is Jimmy," she tells Sheppard. "Would you jump now?"

"Jimmy?" Sheppard snorts. "Well, now you mention it, probably not!" He holds out his hand to the wraith and says, "Howdy, Jimmy!"

Seeing the wraith's thunderous scowl, he gives himself a shake and puts on a serious face, but they only get a few yards down the corridor when his expression softens again and he nudges the female wraith gently on the shoulder, "So, are you going to tell me your name?"

She looks at him suspiciously at first, but what she senses from him makes her relent. "Sally," she says, "My name is Sally."

"Nice! It suits you," he stops walking and grins at her inanely. "Pleased to meet you, Sally. You can call me John."

"May I suggest we continue on to our business, John?" Jimmy sighs impatiently.

Sheppard turns and raises an eyebrow at him. "I said SHE can call me John," he tells the wraith, "YOU can call me Sheppard… Major Sheppard."

oOo

"Actually, the conversion would suit us very well indeed. You have no idea how dull it is, endlessly wandering the galaxy, culling humans. Having only one food source – and a very awkward and unco-operative one, at that – is a major weakness for us." She turns to look at Sheppard and runs the back of her hand gently down his face. "You know, you're really quite pretty for a human," she tells him.

"But, my Queen, you said that I would be–" Jimmy objects.

Sally completely ignores him. "You do know that humans and wraith are perfectly compatible, don't you, John?" she purrs to Sheppard.

"Well, I'm sure our medical technicians will find out everything they need to know–"

"And I am in heat…" she interrupts.

"Reeeeeeally…?" Sheppard says, looking up and down the corridor outside the infirmary, confirming they're alone. "Well, Sally," he says, "I'm sure the tests can wait a while. Why don't I show around the place? We can take a little tour, you know… get to know each other… maybe finish up in my quarters…"

"That would be delightful… John." Sally smiles. She turns to Jimmy and tells him briskly, "You will remain here and give Major Sheppard's team the tissue samples they need."

"But, my Queen, you promised!"

"No buts, you will cooperate with them – fully." With that, Sally links arms with Sheppard and they walk away, chatting happily.

oOo

The two medical technicians, Sarah and Claire, fuss around Jimmy, taking blood samples and conducting basic tests. One of them leans in and takes his hand, lifting the finger with the metallic decorative covering on it. "Does this come off or is it part of you?"

Jimmy looks at her and sneers derisively, then slips the guard off his finger. "It is decoration," he says, "Like this." He flicks the necklace dangling from Sarah's neck with his now undecorated finger. "You smell funny," he adds.

"I beg your pardon? I shower every morning!"

"I did not say you smell BAD, just odd."

"Charming," Claire says, "Probably a result of only having a single female to interact with."

"You do know my Queen is in heat just now," Jimmy offers.

"In heat? As in…?" Sarah looks embarrassed, "No, I didn't actually."

"She was going to mate with me, you know," he informs them proudly. Then his expression falls into utter dejection. "Until she sent me here, that is."

"Oh, you poor thing!" Claire laughs, "Not much difference between wraith and human males there then!"

"But I bet your males don't have to wait hundreds of year for the chance to mate – and have to compete with almost a thousand other males," Jimmy defends himself.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Sarah says, quite genuinely feeling sorry for him.

"Well, certainly not ones as pretty as you anyway!" Claire leers at him.

"You do know that wraith and human are perfectly compatible, don't you?" Jimmy beams from ear to ear.

"No, we didn't know that," Sarah blushes.

"Call yourselves scientists?" Jimmy folds his arms and pouts, while admiring Sarah's backside as she leans over the gantry he's sitting on.

"You should see the one they just picked up yesterday," Sarah says shyly to Claire, "He's from another hive and he's… well, he's…"

"Gorgeous!" says Claire, watching another wraith saunter confidently into the infirmary.

"Naturally, ladies," the other wraith says, "Evolution has genetically designed me to be attractive to my prey."

"Depends on what kind of preying you have in mind, baby!" Claire looks him up and down and doesn't even try to hide the fact that she finds him outrageously attractive.

The new arrival turns to Jimmy and says, "They are not afraid of us?"

"No. My queen has decided to work with them," Jimmy rolls his eyes. "They have some 'interesting technologies' she says she wants to be a part of. That's why I've been sent here and ordered to co-operate."

"And you're doing very well, Jimmy," Sarah says encouragingly.

"Jimmy? They know your name?" the other wraith asks incredulously.

"And what's your name, gorgeous?" Claire winks at him and he takes a step back in amazement at the audacity of these new humans.

"You might as well tell them, they'll find out eventually," Jimmy says, "I assume your queen has sent you here for the same reason?"

"Yes, she's friendly with your queen," the wraith replies.

"So you'll have been told to co-operate too, huh?" Claire drawls suggestively. "So you can start by telling us your name."

The other wraith looks embarrassed and shrugs his shoulders. "Steve," he says very quietly.

"Sorry, I didn't quite hear that," Claire teases.

"Steve."

"Ooh, it suits you!" she smiles, looking him up and down again, "Very sexy, in fact."

"Really?" Steve says, perking up significantly "You think so?"

"Oh yes. And is your queen in heat too?"

"Claire!" Sarah blushes deeply.

Steve gives Jimmy a questioning look and Jimmy shrugs his shoulders, mystified.

"So, from a purely scientific point of view," Claire asks Steve, circling him in an almost predatory manner, "how do you guys keep your hair so… so…" she reaches out and runs her hand down the length of Steve's long, shining, pure white hair, "… so strokeable?"

Steve leans in close to Jimmy and whispers in his ear, "Are all Earth girls this easy?"

Sudden realization dawns on Jimmy's face and the two wraith look towards the two women. They both put on their most alluring smiles as they say, "Ladies, about these tests into wraith-human biological compatibility… we can assure you of our fullest co-operation…"

THE END – BUT MOST LIKELY JUST THE BEGINNING!


End file.
